SUCKS WHEN I watch a sappy movie about couples in love I get that feeling like my heart is being squeezed like someone's juicing a lemon. Then the past memories come hunting by. Mostly memories when I was hurt so bad, the scenes are still vivid in my head. Call me sad, I don't care. It's just a thing that I've gotten since forever. I can easily imagine things in my head. This is one of the reasons why I can't watch horror / ghost stories. The images from the movies are outlined so well, I get goosebumps every time I do it. Only last night, after sending Ka Mala off and an unplanned return to my house alone, which can be reached only after a series of hills, dark and winding roads. Kept reciting the surahs and preventing myself from looking anywhere else except the main road in front of me. Heehee.
Sigh... I got majorly thrown away twice. There was once I my heart ached so hard, I could literally feel as if it was crushed into tiny particles. (eseh, sciency. oh no, hilang tia moment) During the few months my mind was in a state of haze eventhough it looked like I was all okay with it. When people started talking about relationships I tried to keep quite or tried to change topics. When people ask me about my past relationships I just smile and shrugged, saying, "ah? haha entah..." I couldn't even watch stupid love movies and read the novels. Duii lillahh. If it were a few weeks before the incident I'd say to the person, "OH COME ONN. There has GOT to be something else you can think about". But since I myself had felt it, turns out it wasn't so easy at all. Guess it's normal for people to be in this phase? I don't know.
Buuut, I'm super okay now. There's somebody who can make me smile. Although, at times a feel I feel really guilty due to the fact that I'm just not ready yet. Sucks. Guess it's denial, guess it's just fear. Of getting hurt. I start to care for people so easily that next thing you know, my friend tells me how the other person talks behind my back. My friends hate the bit of me not minding and melayan people that they don't like =op I hate it too. [shrugs] What to do?
Anyway! I've shared and blabbered wayy to much! Not everyone's goina read this whole thing anyway.
MOMMY's BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!! I'll post about that later. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Doa kesyukuran thing in Rizqun tomorrow night. Horra horra.
Sigh... I got majorly thrown away twice. There was once I my heart ached so hard, I could literally feel as if it was crushed into tiny particles. (eseh, sciency. oh no, hilang tia moment) During the few months my mind was in a state of haze eventhough it looked like I was all okay with it. When people started talking about relationships I tried to keep quite or tried to change topics. When people ask me about my past relationships I just smile and shrugged, saying, "ah? haha entah..." I couldn't even watch stupid love movies and read the novels. Duii lillahh. If it were a few weeks before the incident I'd say to the person, "OH COME ONN. There has GOT to be something else you can think about". But since I myself had felt it, turns out it wasn't so easy at all. Guess it's normal for people to be in this phase? I don't know.
Buuut, I'm super okay now. There's somebody who can make me smile. Although, at times a feel I feel really guilty due to the fact that I'm just not ready yet. Sucks. Guess it's denial, guess it's just fear. Of getting hurt. I start to care for people so easily that next thing you know, my friend tells me how the other person talks behind my back. My friends hate the bit of me not minding and melayan people that they don't like =op I hate it too. [shrugs] What to do?
Anyway! I've shared and blabbered wayy to much! Not everyone's goina read this whole thing anyway.
MOMMY's BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!! I'll post about that later. Gotta wake up early tomorrow. Doa kesyukuran thing in Rizqun tomorrow night. Horra horra.
0 comments:
Post a Comment